Neighbors in Time of Need

The pain associated with death and dying that paid our family an extended visit over the last year came to a somber culmination Friday when our matriarch and my wife’s mother Fayna Birnbaum was laid to rest.

I’ve never been much comfort to anyone during times like these dating back to my dear mother’s untimely passing at 66 in 1990.  I’ve never had to arrange funerals or quite understood the role of funeral homes. I’m good at crying and caring, but I’m prone to flee from the nuts and bolts of the discussion.

For the first time, I sat around a table at a funeral home and helped deal with the task at hand, and coming away from that experience, I’m forever grateful we chose Farrell Funeral Home on Franklin Square in New Britain.

My wife Lisa graduated from New Britain High with owner Bill Farrell, and I got to know him in passing during my sports writing career at The New Britain Herald as a prominent figure in the Hardware City to the World.

Bill, his son Mike and their staff left no stone unturned to spare the family any burden.  The biggest issues were addressed and flawlessly executed in one brief meeting.

On Friday, everything was in order for a beautiful ceremony that I’d be proud to share with you a bit later in this discourse.  Plenty of umbrellas were on hand with the skies threatening for the umpteenth day.  Rows of seats were arranged graveside.

But their true mettle and dedication to their craft arose when further adversity reared its ugliness at precisely the wrong time. 

The terrain at the Beth Alom Cemetery on Allen Street is rather treacherous.  It’s a steep hillside, and the Birnbaum plot was at the back after the hill has crested and began to slope down.  Footsteps are even more difficult because of the pitting left by previous interments.

A woman whose name I need not mention slipped down a small slope and fell down.  She had spent the last few years as Fayna’s very best friend.  They would chat multiple times a day, the way so many of past generations did.  The conversations were very soothing for Fayna as she declined.

Thankfully Lisa’s brother Neil is a doctor, as is his wife Ruth and their son, Aaron.  Lisa’s good friend Connie, a nurse by trade, was standing right next to the woman when she went down. The comforted her and put her in a chair, but the family had the responsibility of setting up the ensuing luncheon.

The Farrells stepped right in and saw to her needs as the family moved on to the final stage of the process.  They showed kindness beyond compare and compassion to aid the stricken woman.  They sat with her as the ambulance arrived and made sure her possessions were safe.

I can’t say enough about how the Farrells and their friendly entourage settled our jangled nerves as we paid our final respects to Fayna, whose contributions to the city as a New Britain General Hospital volunteer were massive.

I have a much different understanding of compassion at such times thanks to Bill and company, and for that we want to thank them with all our hearts.

While we’re thanking people, I must include my sister Marji, whose compassion is also off the charts.  Like the brunt of us, Marji was ailing with some strain of what’s been haunting so many of us in this time of strange weather.  She could hardly speak for days with laryngitis, but that didn’t stop her from arranging a warm graveside ceremony.

Marji’s husband Harold, another person at the top of the compassion list, is an accomplished flute player.  He brought smiles to the face of Fayna and other folks at the Jerome Home nursing facility with the holiday season impending.

He played softly, the gentle notes wafting through the air like we were all nestled in a corner of heaven.  The skies were so grey and our hearts were aching but Harold’s music lifted us as we settled in for 20 minutes of readings and two eulogies. My God, Harold and Marji, how can we thank you!

I also want to mention that the Birnbaum’s cemetery plot is adjacent to that of a man whom I treasured as a resource of New Britain sports and history.  Bart Fisher, one-time Herald sports editor, passed 10 years ago at 68.  I loved Bart, and couldn’t spend enough time with him.  He was a New Britain historian without equal.  He used to tell us, “You give me any subject in the world and I’ll tell you how it’s tied to New Britain.”

I’ll revisit Bart in my wrap-up.

We had lunch at Great Taste, the venerable Chinese restaurant on West Main Street, where Fayna and her late husband David were far more than just customers.  Their food is exceptional – has been for decades – but as with the Farrells, the owners did everything to lighten our burden. 

It’s all over now.  A page has been turned in our life.  A new chapter has begun.  Fayna is out of pain now.  No more of the worries that frazzled her for months.

As I summed it up in my mind, I recalled how my time writing sports at The Herald enabled me to get very familiar with New Britain.  Bart was instrumental at the start of my Herald career, and I tried to carry his torch after he moved on to Central Connecticut State University’s sports office.

As each day passed, I became more in tune with New Britain and how it differs from other cities of similar size.  I’m proud to have made my contribution, and even prouder of the love that Fayna helped course through town.

Happy New Year to all, and please make 2024 a damned sight better than its predecessor.  I’d like to have a cup of coffee, or a Great Taste order of General Tso’s, with everyone.