Pay attention, my health-conscious reader, because what Dr. Lip is about to prescribe could save your life.
You think I'm kidding? You think I'm going off on one of my rants to elicit laughter? Well, the good doctor says that can help save lives, too, but I'm about to give you some advice that you should eagerly take.
Why? Because this medicine doesn't taste bad and this procedure does not cause any pain. It's about adjusting your attitude to convince every atom and molecule in your body that life is wonderful.
My best buddy Ronnie and I call it "Obbey Ride." Obbey is short for obnoxious, because that's what we were back in the day when time moved so much slower and responsibilities were so few. Simply put, we got our way or we would make life difficult for the others in the group. I hope I don't have to give any examples because I won't on the grounds that I may incriminate myself, and even worse, Ronnie.
An Obbey Ride for the Obbey Brothers consists of jumping in my 2005 Avalanche with no particular destination in mind, tuning XM Radio to the Grateful Dead channel and cruising without caring where we end up.
We never go real far. We may be obbey but we are no longer obbey to our wonderful spouses, because they in turn could be very obbey to us and that wouldn't be pleasant at all. So, we tend to come home before the dawning of a new day, and we come home sober, with no police records and not even a dent in the Avalanche.
We look forward to these rides with great anticipation. Ronnie has been through several surgeries. He's dealing with other family issues. He needs the release.
I'm thanking God that my problems have been less acute, but the rigors of meeting deadlines and coming up with fresh ideas for stories and leads all the time can be draining. And I have my family issues, too, with a son who brings obbey to a whole new level previously beyond even the imagination of the Obbey Brothers.
So we drive. I drive. Ronnie drives. When we have to pee, we stop, and we're in our late 50s now so peeing often comes with the territory. We like our Dunkin' Donuts coffee so peeing is one of our favorite pastimes.
When we want to stop, we stop. When we don't want to stop, we keep going. When "Bertha" or "Me and My Uncle" or one of many Dead classics come roaring through my Bose speakers, we crank it up and bop to our heart's content. Nobody sees us so who cares. Oh, maybe the guy in the next car thinks we're crazy but we have a message for him that I just don't think is appropriate to print here.
We eat. We tend to end up at Pepe's Pizza either in New Haven or Manchester. We may find some seafood at Dino's in North Haven or down in Ronnie's hometown of West Haven. But we eat. I just wonder why he never gains any weight and I have to eat rabbit food for a month to lose a pound.
But the amazing thing is Obbey Rides have huge therapeutic value. They make us happy. For one day, they remove the stress from our lives and bathe us in the glory of reminiscing. Stress. there it is, dear reader, and that's the key to Dr. Lip's prognosis for the day.
Take your Obbey Ride soon. Call it whatever you want, but give your best pal a call and schedule one today. It goes a long way toward a happy, healthy life.